Do you think this statement is true?
"The person who loves the most has the least power. To gain power in a relationship, you have to withhold love. Whoever loves the least is in control."
I would love to hear your thoughts on this.
Update: By the way, the quote is from the famous American sociologist, Willard Waller who studied marriages during the 1930's. It's called the "principle of least interest" and it was based upon years of studying the marriages that were healthy and marriage of destruction, abuse, friction, etc.
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About the Book (The Feast)
About Me
- Josh Graves
- Nashville, TN, United States
- I'm the best friend of Kara, father of Lucas, minister, author (The Feast), life-long Piston fan . . . I am the Preaching and Teaching Minister for the Otter Creek Church (Nashville) and I am working on a doctorate degree (second year) at Columbia Seminary studying the relationship of postmodernism and Christianity.
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14 comments:
Interesting. Kind of a paradoxical statement...especially when it comes to faith.
If I say "True" then God would not have the power in a relationship, would He? (According to this mindset.)
I believe this statement is false because I believe that in a true relationship, there should not be a quest for power. I believe there is "power" (not my own) which is released when I submit to someone else with great love.
But I can see how the world would say this statement is true. Love gets you nowhere...especially in business relationships.
Please share your thoughts, too, Josh!
I think it's very true in relationship. To love someone is to be willing to take on all the stuff they dish out, knowingly or unknowingly. When we choose to love, we are choosing to be loved. . .the other person has that choice--they have power. When we choose to love, we give up power because it is more important that our other know they are loved (supported, encouraged, helped, adored, and all the things that make up love) than it is for us to control their behavior or words.
According to the human concept of power, this is true. But, if you look at the power that God has displayed through the actions taken to procure a way to save the sinful creation of man from the just and righteous punishment for his sins, you can see the flip side of the argument, where the greatest love had the greatest power.
Sorry, Franklin, I'd have to disagree with your statement "If I say "True" then God would not have the power in a relationship, would He?" I think you are applying a human standard to an God-quality.
If God were to apply His power in the relationship between His creation and Himself; we would be nothing more than automons. By the display of sending His only Son to die for us and THEN allowing us the choice to accept it or deny it......that shows the powerfulness of His love.
And the meaningless pursuit of our own quest for power.....without love.
Just my thoughts,
Jim
I would have to say this statement is true if we’re talking about power from a worldly point of view. Because in a sense the more you love the more vulnerable you are to the one you love. In other words, great love opens the door for great rejection. And in a sense the more vulnerable you are the less power you have (defining power by worldly standards). Therefore, those who love the least, leave less room for vulnerability and rejection which would be seen as having more power.
However, power seen in the form of meekness as Jesus displayed would make this statement false; because we know all power and authority was given to him and yet we also know he loved the most! Great quote to discuss!
Franklin:
There is a bit of paradox . . . good point. Think in terms of Jesus (God reveals himself in particular ways . . . this is what is distinctive about Christians . . . our version of "particularity" . . . Jesus gives up power . . . and in that sense makes himself vulnerable all because he loves more than any of us are capable.
Dana:
You hit it on the head. Love is the riskiest thing one can do. Because to truly love means we might not we be loved in return. We might even be rejected. So, as the saying goes, your enemies can hurt you, your friends can completely dismantle your world.
Jim,
I wonder if other stories (the story of our culture, consumerism, capitalism, etc.) creeps into our lives more than we give credit.
Good thoughts.
I hope Franklin has a chance to respond. In general, great discussion.
JG
Phil, I promise I wrote my thoughts to Franklin before I read yours. Ha. That's too funny.
This begs the question: do local churches desire to gain power or to love recklessly (each other, the community, etc.)?
Josh, you said:
"Do local churches desire to gain power or to love recklessly (each other, the community, etc.)?"
What a great discussion question; When I look at Jesus, I see the “no strings attached love” and how I yearn to love like him. However, an honest reflection may reveal something different. Because the truth is I don’t like being taken advantage of. I want to know results after I help. I want to know because I do not want to make myself too vulnerable, I want to make sure that I maintain a good reputation, I want to make sure I am not betrayed, I want to make sure I am not spit upon, I want to make sure I am not beaten by con-artists, I want make sure I am not nailed down to where I would not be able to escape, I want to make sure I have not sacrificed too much for a sinful person or a community.
Phil,
Your honesty is the thing that makes being a Christian (and a minister) so tricky. Most of us are skeptical of others because of . . . well our experience of getting burned.
So, maybe the place to start is confession (Bonhoeffer is right alas!). We confess our own manipulation, power-games, and calculation.
JG
btw...the quote is from the famous American sociologist, Willard Waller who studied marriages during the 1930's. It's called the "principle of least interest" and it was based upon years of studying the marriages that were healthy and marriage of destruction, abuse, friction, etc.
Jesus' power is made perfect in our weakness, according to the text. This makes me think that, as believers, perhaps we can only be "powerful" by knowing where that power lies. In other words, we are powerful because we aren't powerful at all. I just talked myself in a logical circle, but hopefully this somehow contributed to the conversation.
I love this second question you posed in your comments about what the church is doing--gaining power or loving recklessly.
How do you achieve being a church of reckless love when the people in the church could be trying to gain power? If we went back to the picture of a marriage, it would be like trying to define what a spouse with multiple personalities is doing--gaining or loving.
How do we become a church with one personality? One image of unabashed love for our city? Part of me wants to ask the people in the pews what they think.
Hi Jim,
I was not trying to say that God does not have power because He loves the most. I would not dare to put God in a box.
I was merely saying that according to that statement, if you say it is true, then you would logically have to end up by saying that God would not have the power.
That is why I said I believe the statement to be false.
Hope that makes sense.
That makes sense, Franklin....thanks for replying.....
nice blog by the way!
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