Dance with the One You Love

"Dancing is like painting with your feet," Kara Graves.

For the past few months, I took a dance class with my wife and several other people who are apart of our church family. Insert joke here.

We learned three different kinds of dances: Rumba, Fox Trot, and Swing. Like anything, becoming a good (or even respectable) dancer takes more than one three month class. For most people, it takes several years of practice, mistakes, and growth. Don't be fooled by Dancing with the Stars.

Nonetheless, dancing has taught me a great deal about married life. Here are some things I've learned about myself and my sweet wife.



1. Leading is important but only if you are dancing with someone else. In dancing, someone has to lead. If one does not lead, one does not move. But the leading is gentle, subtle, almost undetectable. Dance purists insist the man must always lead. However, when the man is a bit slower than the woman in picking up new steps, it helps to have a woman who's not afraid to step out and lead for a little slice of time. A great "lead" dancer appears not to be leading at all. This is important for men who are overbearing, dominating and demeaning to their precious wives. You are not simply dancing with yourself...You are dancing with another person.

2. Leading is important but only if your partner is willing to go with you. If your partner does not trust you they will not follow you totally.

3. Practice, experience and embarrassment are priceless. There is no subsitute for being off the couch and on the dance floor. Putting yourself in a vulnerable position is as important as what happens once you find yourself in that spot.

4. Laughter really is the best medecine. If you are a person who is "all business all the time", one session of learning Rumba will cure you.

5. Everyone can dance. Notice I did not say everyone can dance well. But everyone can dance. I did not say everyone should dance as some are called to dance with different people in different ways (i.e. Jesus and Paul were both single, called to singleness).

6. There aren’t as many people watching as you think. You do not have to be something you are not meant to be. You do not have to compete with other people. God is writing your story one page at a time.

7. There are some still watching however. One's marriage is the greatest indicator of character and integrity. I have not met too many people who can hide once they are married.

8. A new dance partner will only mean new problems/challenges. In a culture (the West) where many claim to fall out of love, I challenge the very notion of falling in love. I choose to love the person I'm married to regardless of the outcome. I'm not suggesting that those who are divorced have taken the easy way out for I know many who've bee rescued out of dark situations. But many fall prey to the idea that the deep longings in their life will be met if only the meet the right person. Only the loving God revealed in Jesus sits on that throne.

9. The best teachers are the ones who remember how hard it really is to dance well. People who dance well make it look easy. And it makes the rest of us sick. But they had blisters on their feet and frustration in their gut at one point.

10. Finishing what you start is a sign of maturity and inner strength. It takes curiosity to start something, maturity to finish it.

11. There are moments of chaos and solidarity, learn to enjoy both. Some dance sessions went well, others were full of mistakes and missteps (mostly on my part).

12. In the midst of other dancers it is important to keep your eyes on your partner. Rowan Williams once wrote, "The hardest place to live is right where you are." That is no truer than in the context of marriage.

I wanted to write something about the connection between dancing and sex but alas, I've been censored by my dance partner. So, I'll end with this little nugget. I prefer to think of our relationship with God as a holy dance. God is leading but we are invited to move (or not move) with the divine. It takes years and years of practice to become a follower of Jesus who dances in the truest rythyms and to the clearest gospel cadence.